In loving Memory❤️

A glimpse into the life and times of Aunty Darling

I know everyone says there are five stages of grief, but for some reason, I have been stuck on the first stage for years-Denial. I am stuck in denial because I never imagined that death would take my loved ones away. Like, how can you take away the ever-smiling, ever-comforting Grandma? I’m not the family member to call or talk to every day, but only Grandma understood that. She would call me and start with, “Abas, ame kop si ti pe?”(I am annang and this means “Have you heard what happened” 😂 Now, truly, because I am also the last to hear of anything, she’d use the next few minutes to update me. I remember at NYSC camp, I ran into some issues, and it’s common knowledge in my family that I would cry first😂. So when she called, she started with, “Abas, did you cry?”😂 “Why now? You are a big girl now and need to stop crying,” and went ahead to update me on everything I missed while I was gone. Grandma was my gist partner and confidant, and if we decided to sit on your matter, then truly sorry for you😂. I would report everyone, even my mum, to Grandma when my mum didn’t send money😂, and sharp sharp, my matter was settled. I started this note with tears, but I am cheesing so hard because every line brings a new memory and laughter. When death happened, I gave up because here I was in a new city, alone with no family, and trying to navigate grief. I couldn’t process it, and nights were unnecessarily longer. My friend came from miles away to ensure I was good, and I am sure the job became harder by the day because of the very long nights. I was mute most times and would snap easily, but my friend became a prayer warrior, therapist, chef, and everything in between. (Thankful for the gift of people.) I tried to distract myself most of the time, but when it’s night and it’s just me and my bed, I was forced to process. Losing Grandma was also a tough one for my family, everyone went numb and aggressive, and I knew their problem, but they couldn’t realise it. I remember Sister Momo and Aunty Aniefon arguing months later, and I was just sitting and watching them because truly, I couldn’t understand what made them snap. Mid-argument, they both started crying, Aunt Aniefon is my very gentle aunt, so imagine how grief drags away life from you. I remember when we tried to pray once, and our prayer session turned into a silent crying session. Someone told me months later, “It feels like the life has been drained out of you,” and I just giggled because even I knew how defeated I felt. It got harder because every time something happened and I pulled out my phone to update Grandma (She is my Aunt but we all called her Grandma cos she mothered us all), a sad realization hit me. We went to Nana’s house, and my sister suddenly got sick and cold throughout the stay. When we got home and I asked her why, she said it was Grandma’s picture she saw. It made more sense. She couldn’t take even a souvenir home because she didn’t want to see Grandma’s face slapped on an object. On the other hand, I took a diary, and my friends know not to write anything in that diary😂. Onyeka tore a piece one time and used hours to beg me, and truly, grief is different for everyone. I could write a book on how this grief has affected every single person in my family, but that’s going to be a very long one. The worst part is that we were supposed to console Nana, Ifiok and Papa as my mum would say, but we couldn't even console ourselves and everyone had to find a way to navigate. My mom kept doing strong woman till one day I saw her breakdown😂and in my mind I was like better cry oo. I remember how someone walked up to me on the day of the funeral and said I wasn’t crying, but when Grandma was alive, I acted like I loved her so much, as a supposed joke, and all I did was look at the person, because if death didn’t disgrace me, I would have called Grandma, and I would laugh and insult the person over the phone. I’d like to end this with the woman that she was. She made sure nobody ever felt unheard, she brought light and laughter to every room she walked into. She would cook the best meals during the holiday seasons, and just this Easter that passed, I realized I don’t have any memory of Easter apart from Grandma waking us by 4 a.m. to cook. When we complained the food was too much and we didn’t have to give the neighborhood food because we were celebrating😂, she’d shout at Esther and then tell me, “Abas, don’t mind Esther, The lord will always provide”😂. Now that Esther is in question, I remember that I was the one she called to speak sense into Esther because, for some reason, I was the person Esther would hear from without throwing a fit, and I became a mediator between the two😂. Grandma took my word for it, and when she needed to be sure about something or someone, I was the voice that sealed that decision, and she’d end it with, “Abas, mme kop.” I could go on and on, but most importantly, Grandma was a good mother, sister, and aunt and grandmother to us all and filled in for these roles perfectly. I pray that heaven is filled with sonorous voices to sing her favourite songs and assist her to sing too with a shaky alto😂so she can dance

, and I pray that they have a large pot where she can cook all her delicacies and share. I hope that finally there’s at least one person who gives her a hug and shares all the beautiful thoughts and memories we all had on earth with her❤️I tried not to make this soggy and teary because the Aunty Darl we knew will squeeze in laughs no matter the situation.

I wanted to write this in a WhatsApp status but it goes away after 24 hours and if you or anyone is going through grief, I have made a silent prayer for you and as you read this may it heal your heart and may it get easier for you❤️and Aunty Darl has a word for you.

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